So I was talking to my friend and former MTC companion Jaime last night (it was already today in Mexico) and she wished me a happy 5th anniversary of entering the MTC. Today, on the 31st of January 2012. I returned her well wishes and then she said, "Do you know what else is today?" I laughed and said "Justin Timberlake's birthday!" because I can never miss the opportunity to talk about my love. (Yes, I'm aware he was part of a boy band that disbanded about 10 years ago. I still love him. And them. Get over it.) To my surprise, that really was what she was talking about!

Apparently, every time we talk about entering the MTC I also talk about Justin's birthday. Well, when someone you love has a birthday, it's worth talking about.

Anyway, yes. It is this very attractive fellow's 31st birthday:

(Geez. Sometimes I forget how cute he is.)

But more importantly, today marks 5 years (half a decade!) since I entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah to begin my 19-month mission to Buenos Aires, Argentina. More accurately put, to begin a 19-month rollercoaster that has forever changed my life.

I thought I knew what to expect, but the truth is you have no idea what a mission really is until you've served one. Sure, you know what missionaries do (although after three days of walking around our area I, apparently with a very bored voice, asked "Is this it? This is all we do every day?") but you just have no idea what a mission really involves. The emotions, the experiences, the challenges, the triumphs, the intensity. You also have no idea the level of depth your relationships will achieve or the drastic spiritual, mental, and emotional growth you will experience. It is an inevitable result that anything connected with your mission - people, places, music, language, food, smells - will forever touch your heart in a place that is associated with intense emotion.

My mission was easily one of the hardest things I've ever done. There were so, so many bad days. So many days when I didn't want to be there, when I wanted to come home, when it just didn't seem worth the effort. Days when I was just so tired. But there were also days when I was so happy, when I felt completely at home, when I couldn't imagine why I would ever want to do anything else.

I hadn't expected the details, but I did expect the mission to change my life. I was right about that.

I'm having an experience right now, right at this very moment, that is inexplicable to me. I'm usually pretty in touch with my feelings. In fact, my feelings are usually the only thing I'm in touch with. But I'm having a hard time understanding them right now.

Today I bought Ingrid Michaelson's new album "Human Again." If you haven't bought it yet, do it right now. As I'm listening through for the first time, I can feel an actual pressure in my chest. You know that feeling when you're so happy you feel like your chest could literally burst? It's like that. Only, it's not that I'm just super happy. It's like this music has reached into my soul and pulled something out that has already been there. I know this sounds weird, but I really feel like I've heard it before and it feels...like home. Like because this music exists, I know that I'm ok and that who I am is exactly who I should be.

I haven't even had the chance to listen to the lyrics in detail yet. Just the music itself resonates with me. Again. I know this is crazy. This isn't spiritual music by any means, yet I feel like it was somehow inspired to make me feel as happy and comfortable as I do right now.

Music is incredible. So is Ingrid Michaelson.

Subbing

Lately I've been doing some substitute teaching in the local school districts, since I'll be leaving in May and it's hard to get someone to hire you for only a few months. Temp work, it is. Besides, I thought, it'll be good to get some experience inside the classroom before I have my own.

What has actually happened is that almost daily I'm asking myself what the heck I got myself into.

Here's to hoping it'll be better when I'm actually in charge of the class, not just the one who the kids walk all over.

I hate winter and I hate snow. But I have to admit, I'm going to miss this about Utah:


I am in love with the snowy mountains against the bright blue sky. This picture doesn't even do it justice.

Haircuts. Not Drab.

This week, I went to get my haircut by my good friend Michelle Ulm. It's a bit of a drive up to Roy just to get my hair cut and since Jaime's gone, I don't really go up there very often anymore. So. I convinced my friends Hailey and Angela to come with me, and I bribed them by pointing out we could stop by The Cheesecake Factory on the way up. We did, and it was delicious. Then we made it up to Roy.

My haircut wasn't that exciting. I just trimmed it and added some long bangs so it wasn't so drab. Hailey's was about the same except without the bangs, but still not drab. But Angela's. Well. Ang surprised me on the way up by saying that she was thinking about chopping her hair. I started in with my persuasive skills which are, by the way, top notch. It didn't take long before she was convinced. I knew she'd love it. I also knew Michelle would be thrilled since the highlight of any of her days is getting to do something drastic to someone's hair.

Angela was nervous, but it turned out fabulous. Here's the photo proof:

Before and During. She was grimacing the whole time.

The lovely after

 See? Nothing to worry about.

And here's the adorable cheering section, Miss Haizyn May

"Your happiness will be in proportion to your charity..."

-George Albert Smith

I heard this quote at church yesterday and I've been thinking about it ever since. I know that service usually makes us happy, and we are happiest when we are with those that we love. But this quote summed it all up so simply. If we want an abundance of happiness, we have to feel an abundance of love for those around us, and if we want an abundance of love for those around us, we must serve them.

At church yesterday, we talked about serving others in a way that also makes us happy. For example, there was one story about an old man who came and "borrowed" a young mother's kids for a few hours so she could rest, but it really was enjoyable for him to have company and watch movies with the kids. This got me thinking about things I can do for others that make me happy as well. And, well, I can't think of many. What is something you do to help others that you actually enjoy doing?

Emotional Electricity

I met Eric Hales while working at the MTC and he immediately became what I consider a dear friend, even though when it comes right down to it, I actually know very little about him. But I do know he is very genuine, kind, fun, and impressively spiritual. He was and continues to be a great example to me. He has a wonderful blog on which he publishes spiritual thoughts and insights - things he's learning. The blog is erichales.blogspot.com. Check it out. You won't be sorry.

Today he posted a quote by Elder Neal Maxwell that really hit me. Here it is:

"We may not know how to account for our moods at times, but the fact that these moods pass through us ought not to destabilize us so far as the deep doctrines of the Church are concerned. If down moods cannot be driven out at once, we can at least accelerate their transit times.

"It is so easy for one person's bad day to become another person's bad day. A spreading electrical power outage ends up affecting everybody, because early on, the discipline required was abandoned in favor of passing the problem along. Emotional electricity is much like the real thing.

"In any objective assessment of life, we can always be reassured as to the things that matter most: Immortality is ours through the gift and grace of Jesus Christ; there is a loving, caring Father in heaven; and we will live eternally under His perfect rule. We have such high promises and absolutely no reason for ultimate discouragement. Therefore, proximate pessimism ought not to envelop us. We ought not to be blitzed by our moods."
 
I was first so grateful for that first line. The fact that we feel sad or down or even straight-up moody (as is often the case with me) doesn't mean we're bad people, that we're living life wrong, or even that the things we believe in and form our life upon are not true. It's ok to experience those feelings. That's part of life. An intentional part. But how we deal with those moods and whether or not we allow others to be affected by them is within our control and will ultimately determine our destiny. We can choose to overcome our feelings or we can choose to be overcome by them. We can choose to be "things to act" or "things to be acted upon" (2 Nephi 2:14). We can choose to be either. But we were created to be things to act. We do not have to be subject to our emotions or our surroundings. That is not the destiny God created us to have.
 
This is something that is so hard for me. I'm quite an emotional person and it is so difficult for me to choose to change my mood. My emotions are powerful and it's frustrating for me to admit that I often allow myself to be acted upon by them. But I know I can choose. For now, I will choose to try.

I Have a Dream 2012

Ok, so it's 2012. A new year. A new beginning. Time to make resolutions. Nevermind that it has taken me 16 days to commit to these. Starting today, January 16, I am committed.

In honor of the late great Martin Luther King, Jr, whose birth we celebrate this gloomy Monday, I decided to fashion my resolutions post in the "I Have a Dream" format. You're welcome.

In 2012, I have a dream that one day,

1. I will run a half marathon. I actually just registered for the Provo half TO-day. There's no turning back now. May 5, here I come.

2. I will make a budget and either find or design a way to record my spending. Notice, I'm not committing to follow the budget, though I of course intend to. However, I believe in setting attainable goals.

3. Going along with this, I will pay off my credit card debt. I can't commit to all my debt since paying off my car loan and student loan this year is shooting a little high. But I can knock out the credit card for sure.

4. I will talk to each member of my family at least once a month. This will, of course, become much easier once I live in the same state as all of them. But until then, phone calls it is.

5. I will write and accomplish a Utah bucket list. So far, I only have that I want to go to Antelope Island, because I've never been there or the Great Salt Lake at all. I only have five months to complete this list and I don't really have time to travel very far, so my list can't be super long. I am very open to any suggestions of must-see or must-do things in Utah. I'll do a full post about that list once I put it together.

6. I will read at least five classic novels before I begin teaching high school English this fall. I have a feeling this will end up being more than five out of necessity, since I have read about two classics since I graduated, and beginning in August I will be expected to teach them. I am also open to suggestions for which ones to read. What did you read in high school?

7. I will attend the temple at least twice a month while in Utah and at least once every other month in Indiana.

8. I will read the Book of Mormon once through with a specific theme. I plan on using a paperback copy and marking it up only for that specific theme. I am also accepting suggestions for themes.

Do you love how interactive this list is? I cannot accomplish it alone. I need your suggestions.

So as to not forget my resolutions, I will make a list of them and put it on my bulletin board that hangs right above my desk. As I complete them, I will check them off. Since many of them require a monthly installment, I am also considering making some sort of chart so I can check it off each month. The organization of it all excites me.

Here's to actually fulfilling New Year's Resolutions! Happy New Year!

This is what Jaime gave me for Christmas:

I tried to ignore the obvious implication that she thinks I need to drop a few pounds and appreciate that she is concerned for my physical, and in turn mental and emotional, well-being.

Just kidding. I know she didn't give it to me because I'm fat. I'm already a reluctant fan of the 30-day Shred by Ms. Michaels. I say reluctant because the workout is good but geez, she's a beast. I was excited to see what the monster had in store on this new DVD.

I finally worked up the courage to try it out this morning. She is not kidding about the extreme part of the title. Jillian Michaels just beat me up.

I hope your MLK day is off to an equally jarring start!

This past summer, Jaime and I went on a temple tour of Utah. I blogged about it here, in case you missed it. Though we were able to hit I think ten or eleven temples that week, we didn't make it to the Provo temple or the Vernal temple. We did get to the Provo temple a couple of months later but I didn't take a picture. But here's a picture of the Provo temple without us in it:

The Provo temple was easy to hit because, well, we live in Provo. The Vernal one presented more of a problem though. It's three hours away, which would require nearly a full day to drive there, attend a session, and drive back. Plus...we kinda forgot about it for a while. But then we remembered.

So on December 20th, just two weeks before Jaime said sayonara, we made the day trip out to Vernal. We had pretty good weather, so the drive wasn't too bad. I thought maybe we'd find something cool to do once we got there, but it turns out there's not much to do in Vernal and as far as I can tell none of it's cool. So we just ate at Betty's Cafe, which was a disappointment, and went to the temple, then headed back home. I was still happy to spend the day with Jaime, though, doing something so uplifting and accomplishing a goal all at the same time!

I was just looking through some posts of this summer. I was so tan. I miss that.

Last Day at the MTC

Tuesday was my last day at the MTC. When I applied eight months ago, I was so excited to be a teacher there. My teachers had a huge effect on me when I was in the MTC, so I was excited to help other misionaries have the same experiences I did.

Well. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. My experience teaching the international missionaries was exactly nothing like my personal experience in the MTC. The variety of languages and cultures created more of a challenge than I was expecting. Over time, though, I learned to love those differences. I learned that I am not my teacher, my students are not me, and it was unreasonable to expect it to be the same. Once I accepted that, I began to notice different things that made my experience as a teacher fabulous.

I will miss meeting all kinds of new, different kinds of people every day. I will miss spending so much of my time focused on the Gospel. But most of all, I will miss missionaries such as these:

This is my last district, which I only got to teach for about two weeks. Sister Estrada from Peru, Sister Korea from Korea, Elder Carrasco from Chile, Elder Mendoza from Spain, Elder Tinoco from Mexico, and Elder Kolpakov from Russia. These missionaries are amazing and I was so sad to only have a couple of weeks with them. These missionaries, and all the others I was able to meet and teach, taught me so much through their testimonies, faith, and desire and willingness to be absolutely diligent and obedient. Their love and passion for the Gospel and others inspired me every day.

I'm so grateful to have had the opportunity to have my dream job. It was definitely the hardest job I've ever had, but it was also the most amazingly rewarding job I've ever had.

As previously mentioned, I spent Christmas in Utah this year. Since the Zogmaisters are my surrogate family anyway, I went to their house for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Jaime and I did some shopping on the way up to her parents' house then spent the evening at her sister Michelle's house. I can't remember if I ever blogged about it, but right after Thanksgiving I got a cold that took me down for about a week. Pretty typical. About a week after feeling good again, though, I got sick again with the exact same thing. I don't know if it was worse or if my patience was just limited since I had just gone through it, but I was miserable that second time around. I get so frustrated when my nose is stuffed up because I cannot stand not being able to breathe. I really hope there's no serious illnesses in my future because I am a wuss when it comes to being sick. I actually started crying one night because I was so frustrated but then it only made the congestion worse and I could get enough air in through my mouth so I started hyperventilating. It was actually really scary; it was the first time I felt a panic because I couldn't get enough air. It was not a pleasant experience. But I got through it. Anyway. Back to the topic. So I started feeling better again the week before Christmas but on Christmas Eve I started feeling a bit down again so I took it easy that night. I didn't end up getting sick, thank goodness. I'm still trying to get rid of the lingering congestion that surfaces every once in a while.

Christmas morning Jaime and I exchanged our gifts. I was expecting a package from my mom and one from my sister but neither came in time so I just had Jaime's gifts. Or so I thought. We got through ours then she pulled out a big wrapped box. We had agreed on a pretty strict spending limit for our gifts so I was initially really mad when I saw the box because I knew the presents I had already opened were at the limit. But when I took the paper off, I realized it was the package from my mom! The sneaky little bugger had taken it out of our mailbox and told me it hadn't come. I was very surprised and excited to have a few things to open. I got my sister's package a couple days later when I came home. I so appreciate their efforts in making me feel loved from so far away.

We went to church later that morning which was a great way to spend the holiday. After church, the rest of the family came and exchanged gifts.

That night Michelle and Joey brought their kids over to play games and have a sleepover. I was able to talk to my family both on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I really missed them but I'm always grateful for how good the Zogmaisters are to me.

I decided to stay in Utah for Christmas this year, since I would have a job after the holidays (MTC was kicking me out for graduating) and the one I had paid extra over Christmas break. I just changed my ticket to March, when I'll be going home for my brother's wedding anyway. It worked out well.

Being here also gave me a little bit more time to spend with Jaime before she moved. The Sunday before Christmas I was able to attend her family's Christmas party, where the grandkids do the Nativity and everyone sings Christmas songs. The kids were so cute.

Angels (London, Jocelyn, Rachel, and Maizic)

Shepherd Taigon

The singers

One of the shepherds (Max) escaping while Joseph (Jack) tries to catch him.

Adam and Jack

Santa Haizyn

Ok, fine. I guess I better catch up.

I really enjoyed the Christmas season this year. Not that I don't enjoy it every year. This year I just felt like I really got enough out of it so I wasn't disappointed or shocked when it was over. I really think it was because I wasn't in school. End of the semester projects and finals just suck the joy right out of December. I didn't miss those at all. (In related news, I got an email today saying they'll be sending me my diploma next week. Heck. Yes.)

The Sunday before Christmas our ward put on a beautiful Christmas program with really beatiful music and spiritual narration. I was actually really impressed. I sang a solo and my roommates and I (plus Angela) sang a group number. Our other friend Hailey played the piano for us, so she, Angela, and their roommate Whitney came to our ward that day. Afterwards, we had a little Christmas brunch.

The frost stayed for several hours that morning. The trees were gorgeous! The birds were also out in abundance. This scene is out my window, across the street from our house. All those black dots are birds. Insane.

Whitney and Aubrey with our spread.

The next night we all went to Salt Lake to see the Christmas lights. Not my idea. I prefer to look at lights while being warm. We ate at Happy Sumo beforehand, though. Definitely my idea. I really wanted Jaime to try it before she left.

Her first bite. She loved it! We managed to get Hailey and Whitney to try it, too, though they were definitely more reluctant. Hailey fell in love immediately with the Vegas roll. Whitney said it made her want to throw up. I think she's lying.

Aubrey and Whitney Ehlers had some stuff to do at home so they headed home and the rest of us went over to the lights. They were beautiful and it really wasn't as cold as it could have been.