This morning, I was listening to Elder Holland's talk from the past General Conference (check it out here). This talk was really powerful for me when I heard it the first time, and the same message came through clear for me again today. There are a lot of things I'm unsure of, and unsurety frustrates me. I am a planner through and through and not knowing what's going on or what will happen makes me crazy. That's part of why I love the Gospel - the Lord has made it crystal clear what we need to do in order to get the outcome that we want. There's no need to be guessing about our eternal fate- we can feel sure and confident in the sight of God when we keep His commandments and repent daily.

Unfortunately, mixed into those absolute truths and spiritual confirmations is a lot of unknown, and that's where faith comes in. The Lord gives us commandments and guidelines to help us keep ourselves on the right path, but on that path we will still be faced with a lot of opportunities to trust His will and timing and accept that He is the one who can see the end from the beginning. That's the part I struggle with.

Elder Holland's talk highlighted the need we have in those times of trial and unsurety to assert our faith and trust by focusing on the things we know, the things we've learned, and rely on the power of the Atonement to make up for the things we don't know. I felt impressed that this was something I needed to work on, since so much of my thoughts and feelings are tied up in focusing on what I don't know, which is definitely not the way to increase faith. In order to help myself in that effort, I made a list of things I know and posted it on my wall right by my door so I can reread it often.

These are some things that I know:

-Miracles have not ceased.
-Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, called to restore Christ's church.
-Thomas S. Monson is a living prophet, and he is God's mouthpiece on the earth today.
-Jesus Christ performed the ultimate sacrifice, not only so I could be resurrected but so that I could be comforted and strengthened in my times of need.
-Complaining and feeling sorry for myself help nothing.
-The family is a divine institution and in our families we feel the closest thing possible to God-like love that we can in this life.
-I'm supposed to be in Indiana.
-I'm supposed to be teaching.
-I'm temple-worthy.
-God loves me.
-God knows my desires and efforts.
-God knows how hard certain trials are for me.
-God wants the best for me.
-The Lord's way is the best way.
-God keeps his promises.
-God has heard and answered my prayers in the past.
-I need to the Lord to accomplish my goals.
-God has not forgotten me.

Elder Holland said, "In moments of fear or doubt or troubling times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is limited....When those moments come and issues surface, the resolution of which is not immediately forthcoming, hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until additional knowledge comes."

I'll hold on to the things I know.

I haven't posted in forever, because I haven't felt like I had anything to post about. I haven't had any huge spiritual or personal epiphanies to write about, and I haven't done anything cool. I have been learning a few things, but I'm not sure I'm ready to share them yet, mostly because I'm not sure I've learned them yet. I feel an obligation to keep up on journaling, though, so I decided to look through the pictures on my phone to see if I'd forgotten anything. Umm...oops. Turns out I forgot a lot of things. So what was initially going to be a super lame post of me rambing will instead of a montage of the Top 10 things from my last 6 weeks.

 

1. These kids continue to be the highlight of my days. They make me laugh and feel loved, and I look forward to coming home to see them every day. My mom bought some DVDs that have entire Family Home Evenings on them - they have a song, prayer, little video illustrating some gospel principle, a tie-in to a scripture story, then a pause for testimonies. The twins are obsessed  with them and they will watch them over and over and over again. This picture is from a Sunday night when we were watching them for the billionth time, waiting for their mom to come home from work.

2. Work. This is where I spend most of my normally 10-11 hour days. It's amazing how much work goes into teaching for 88 minutes. I'm almost always the last one to leave school every day, but I assume that's because I refuse to take work home with me.

3. I was in charge of our middle school spelling bee this year, which wasn't a big deal, mostly because I didn't put that much effort into it. We did take the winners up to Chicago for the regional spelling bee, though. I was pretty pumped because I got out of teaching that day, and I thought it would be way better than my normal day. What a joke. We realized halfway there that Chicago's an hour behind us, so we were about 2 hours early. We took the kids to Navy Pier to blow off some steam, but it was crazy cold out still so it wasn't too pleasant. Then when we actually got to the bee, the judges used the easiest words ever, so what was supposed to be an hour-and-a-half-long spelling bee took about 3 hours. And that was only 1 out of 2. Fortunately, they wised up and made the words harder for the second one so people got out faster, but we didn't get home until 11:30 that night, and that was after spending 3 hours in a van with 12 loud, obnoxious, and insane 3-8 graders. I don't know why I thought it would be better than my normal 7-hour teaching day.

4. Sushi. Since Jaime came and helped me scope out some good sushi restaurants, I've been able to go back a few times - with my sister and with some friends. Sushi has hands-down become my favorite food. I could eat it every day and not get sick of it.

5. I was so excited for Spring Break - both my students and I needed a serious break from school and from each other. The first few days of my break I went down to my parents' house and hung out with my parents, siblings, and nephew. I love being there with them. I also had a chance to have lunch with some friends from high school, which was so much fun.

 
6. Did I mention how cute these ones are? One day over the break I spent the day with them while my sister worked. My niece and I were watching one of the Twilight movies while the twins napped (Don't worry, I watched all 5 over the break and loved every second of it). When Cooper came down, he went straight to the corner of the room, laid down, and went right back to sleep. Apparently he wasn't quite done with his nap yet.

 

 7. Also over Spring Break, I gave my niece and nephew a game-ucation. I don't know what family they've grown up in because they didn't know how to play hardly any of the games I had. I taught them Farkle (kaput), Bananagrams, Pick-up Sticks, and Pit. I schooled them in every single one. I'm not about to take it easy on them just because they're beginners. I also had to help both of them finish their Bananagrams boards, but that's fine. I'm a wordsmith. (Lest you feel bad for them, we played Pit again last night and I came in last. I had to enjoy my winning streak while it lasted).

8. I know, right?! Their mom wasn't too thrilled that they'd picked the daffodils from the backyard, but they were awfully sweet when they were giving them to me.

9. This lovely lady turned 16 last week. Blows.My.Mind. I'm pretty sure she'll be going on a lot more dates than I ever did in high school. Shoot. She'll probably go on a lot more dates than I ever have period.

10. Sibling love. They're kids, so they fight a lot, but every once in a while the older two will come and really engage and play with the younger two and it melts my heart every time. Love, love, love them.