The Night of My Life

I saw Justin Timberlake for the first time in about 12 years. I cannot put into words what I felt, so I'm not even going to try. I'll just say it was amazing and as good as I could ever imagine (unless, of course, I had been in the front. Which I definitely was not).

 

 The front of the stage moved. It was very *NSYNC. It was awesome.

We sat in the parking garage afterwards for about 45 minutes straight, but the lights on the drive home were beautiful!

Love

My friends Christie and Bart got married over Thanksgiving weekend. I don't know many relationships where both people are 100% themselves all the time. They're so much fun to be around, because they are comfortable with themselves and each other and they make everyone around them feel comfortable, too. I was honored to be there with them on their special day.

 

Mr. and Mrs. Gadbury

Their food was delicious AND beautiful. I love wedding cake, and theirs definitely delivered.

I didn't bring a date, but Jacob brought Nalon, who was definitely the cutest guy there.

This little girl has been my best little buddy recently. She alternates between loving me and pretending like she never wants to see me again. She also really loves potty jokes. Classy lady.

Three-Quarters Reflection

It’s nearly impossible to sum up what I have learned in the last year and a half of teaching. It’s hard to name the things that have challenged, pushed, and, as a result, taught me, though they do have names. All 150 of them. Some have creative names. Some have traditional names. Some have names I, quite frankly, never want to hear again. They are students, and they are teachers.

I’ve heard from others how much they learn from their students. This is usually accompanied by a loving tone, a heartfelt sense of wonder and awe at the amazing life lessons that these young souls impart. Except for a few wise souls, most of my students have not taught me by their examples. Well, that’s unfair. Some of them have definitely taught me by their non-examples. But I haven’t had that quintessential moment where I marveled at the profundity of a student’s words or actions. Maybe I don’t know my students well enough to understand how profound their words or actions are. Maybe that’s my fault. I have learned from them, though, but mostly because I have seen myself in them. And I have seen how to be better.

               

Teacher #1: We’ll call him Forgiveness. One day after school two of my students were checking the behavior tracker to see how many marks they’d received. One had only gotten two, a major accomplishment for him, and exclaimed with pride, “I did great today!” Forgiveness, realizing he had gotten six, replied in surprise, “Wow. Six. That will never happen again.”

               

I’ll admit—I didn’t like Forgiveness. Of course we’re not supposed to have favorites and we should treat all children with respect, but when he graduated eighth grade and moved on to ninth grade, I wasn’t sad. For some inexplicable reason, he got under my skin. But when I heard the surprise and disappointment in his voice as he assessed his own behavior that day, I realized that I wasn’t the only one who believed he could do better. He did, too, and he was ashamed at his performance that day. He wanted to do better. How many times had I done worse than I knew I could do? How many times had I said or done something that I realized only afterwards was wrong? I, too, had realized my mistakes and had a desire to correct them. In those moments, I had been so grateful for understanding and patient family and friends who allowed me to apologize and do better. They didn’t hold my mistakes against me or expect me to repeat them. They expected the best of me and gave me the opportunity to try again when I failed to reach their expectations.

               

In that moment, I realized how important it is in teaching to take the same approach with students. I think I had done a pretty good job of holding high expectations for my students. Whether I liked it or not, they were required to come back day after day to try to meet those expectations even if they had failed the day before. But so many times, I held onto their past transgressions and indulged myself in using those mistakes as reasons to go on dreading each time they walked in my door. Above my door, I posted a sign that said, “Every day is a new day.” The day after I put it up, a student saw it and said to me, “Duh, Ms. Shoaf.” It seems obvious, but unfortunately, there were many days where I had to look at that sign and remind myself to let yesterday stay in the past and start fresh every day, having left behind both my own mistakes and my students’ mistakes.

Teacher #2: We’ll call her Understanding. I have had Understanding for two years. She’s an exceptionally bright student—catches on quickly and works hard to reach her goals. She’s a straight-A student and has high aspirations. She’s very social and has always been a leader in her class. Unfortunately, she also has a hard time recognizing appropriate times to develop relationships with her classmates. Read: she talks a lot. Her admirable confidence also leads her to believe that the things she has to say take precedent over the things that I have to say, and when I remind her that they, in fact, don’t, she’s not swayed. Read: she talks back.

               

Last year I took a lot of her backtalk personally. I let it affect me emotionally. I reacted emotionally, and things ended up ugly more than once. Her mom and I are on a first-name basis, and we’ve had plenty of talks in the hall. Things have gotten better, but I would definitely not say she’s easy. That being said, I’ve been able to maintain a pretty good relationship with her (when she’s not misbehaving) and we can usually work through things pretty quickly. I’ve also learned that when her ugly side rears its head, it’s almost never my fault. During those many in-the-hallway talks, I usually ask “Is there something else going on that’s bothering you?” The answer is almost always “yes.” I’ve learned from her, and many other students, to postpone my judgment—and in many cases, my offense—until after I know what’s really going on. Occasionally, my students are legitimately mad at me. But more often than not, they’re mad about something else and I present a convenient target to take their aggression out on. Once I realized that, it made it a lot easier to not react emotionally, give them the benefit of the doubt, and do what I can to make their situation better. Almost always, once we have the discussion, they’re apologetic and grateful for my understanding. Understanding herself once wrote me a note after a particularly rough day: “I’m sorry I’m so disrespectful sometimes. You don’t deserve it. You really are a good friend.” The truth is, my students are people, too, and all people have bad days. How much easier it would be to recover from a bad day if those around you were understanding about your circumstances, rather than retaliating and allowing the problem to become worse.

               

Teacher #3: These ones are Sincerity. Sincerity is not just once student. It’s many students across a few classes. More accurately, though, sincerity is probably time. My second year of teaching has been infinitely better than my first. Most important for me, I believe, was knowing what to expect. I do so much better emotionally when I know what to expect. I once spent considerable time fretting over what to wear on a rock-climbing date, not because I was worried about the boy I was going with, but because I didn’t know what appropriate rock climbing attire was. I had no idea what to expect, so I was worried. If I were ever to go rock climbing again, I would feel completely confident because I already know what to expect. That was the difference for me when starting my second year: I knew where to start. Last year I found a lot of wrong ways to do things, and I found a few things that worked. I felt more confident, and that allowed me to be more myself. I still have high expectations for my students, and I have structured procedures. Students who misbehave receive consequences and we deal with problems when they arise. They definitely do still arise because I’m far from expert in behavior management. But the way I deal with problems is not the same for every student every time. We have high academic rigor, but I also sing directions sometimes. Because I want to. Because it pops into my head. In one class we read the objective together in silly accents every day for a week, for no other reason than that I thought of it one day right before read it. So we did it. I’m myself. I’m sincere. I like rules, and I like structure, but I also like fun. So rather than being worried if I smile too much or if I’ve administered enough consequences to a certain student, I have fun. I’m happier, and it has made my classroom a happier place. I have a bulletin board full of pictures and notes Sincerity has given me. Today, Sincerity told me he liked my personality. At least once daily, Sincerity asks if he or she can stay in my room all day instead of going to [fill in least favorite class here]. I realize it’s not a teacher’s role to be the students’ friend, but it’s a lot easier to be a good teacher when I don’t feel like all my students hate me. People like to be around others who are confident and true to themselves. Sincerity taught me that.

               

I still have a long way to go, and I’m not even sure I like my job yet. There are thousands of things I could tell you that I still need to change or improve on. But like so many things, becoming a good teacher takes time and practice. My students and I are learning together, taking turns being the teacher. 

Thanksgiving 2013

Our Thanksgiving was a little different this year. Thomas was in Utah, of course, because he had practice all week. His birthday was also on Thanksgiving, so my dad went out to spend a week with him. I think they both had a good time but we missed them. Tessa was working, and her kids were at Jon's house, so our numbers were limited. I wanted to invite the missionaries so I offered to host it at our house. I also volunteered to cook the turkey. I'm 28 now. It's time I become an adult and contribute something other than a salad. 

I was pretty nervous about the turkey, since I feel like there's a ton of pressure on how well the turkey turns out. I bought it a few days in advance, and I even remembered to take it out of the freezer the day before. Except I guess only one day isn't enough time to thaw a turkey. I wanted to brine it, though, so I did a bit of quick thawing, then I just brined it while it was half-frozen. I figured it may not have quite the same effect but it wouldn't hurt it.

 We didn't eat until dinnertime, and like I said Tessa and the kids were gone, so I cleaned that morning and enjoyed the calm before the storm. The problem when I clean is that I really like it to stay that way, so I have  a hard time letting go and letting things happen which naturally mess up a tidy house. Thanks to some very helpful missionaries who did ALL of our dishes after dinner, we got it pretty close to its original state.

My mom, Micah, Jacob, and Nalon came a bit early to hang out so we nibbled on some cheese dip and this adorable turkey veggie tray that my mom made.

Once I'd finished making the other dishes I was preparing, we also played Sorry Revenge, and I won. Both times. Nalon wasn't very happy, though. He cried like someone had just died. After dinner, we played Settlers and I won that, too. AND I won when my mom and I broke the wishbone later that night. I won everything that day!

 The turkey turned out delicious (though I can't say that looks very pretty).

Our spread was beautiful, though, and it made for a very colorful plate.

Before dinner, we played a thankful game that Dominika made up where we all tied a bow around something we're thankful for, to show that sometimes the things we're most grateful for don't come tied up in a bow. Everyone shared theirs - a mind to learn, voice to sing, heart to love, dad, mom, etc. Then Dominika tied hers around her belly and after a few guesses we realized what she was talking about: her baby! My mom and I immediately screamed, I think, and we all hugged her and Isaac. I cried, of course, because that's what I do. It was such an unexpected, happy surprise! She's due in July, I think, and we're all so, so excited. She and Isaac, and especially Holden, seem really happy. Isaac had called Thomas and my dad to facetime with us so they could hear the announcement, too.

Every day I'm most grateful for these 7 people, plus the 7 that weren't there that night. The closeness of my individual relationships with each of my family members has varied over the years, but we've got eternity together, and I'm grateful for that.

Birthday Week 2K13

Each fall, I face a difficult paradox: I hate the impending doom of the cold weather, but I also love the holidays. Holiday #1: My birthday. This is a big deal, so I celebrate Birthday Week. Someday, I'd like to expand it to Birthday Month, but I'm happy for what I've got for now.

This year I signed up for as many restaurant e-mail clubs as possible so I could get free food for my birthday. What I didn't know, though, was that most of those clubs also give you coupons just for signing up. So between signing up and having a birthday all in the same week, I ended up with about thirty coupons to various restaurants around the city. Now, some were lame. Wendy's, as you can see in the picture, gave me $1 off a premium sandwich. I mean, I'll take it. I used it this week. But you'd think they'd at least give me a free frosty or something. Some were pretty good, though. At Jersey Mike's, for example, you can walk in on your birthday, show them your ID and get a sub for free. No strings attached. At Moe's I just had to buy a drink to get a free entrée. I need to find a sushi one for next year. Let me know if you know of anything. Most of these coupons expired before I could use them, but it was nice to have options!

Here's one example: The weekend before my birthday, I went to TGIFriday's with a friend from work and got this delicious brownie sundae for free. And they had a different special going on that gave me an insane amount of food for ten bucks. That was not the last time I felt uncomfortable full over the next couple of weeks.

The day of my birthday I had to work, but when I came upstairs in the morning, my sister had left these for me on the bar. I don't know if she knew or just took a lucky guess, but I LOVE fresh flowers, so I was super excited about this surprise.

I'd been telling my students for weeks that my birthday was coming up, and the night before my birthday I gave them all homework to bring me goodies. Several of them listened and followed through. I actually told them that all I wanted for my birthday was a new timer. I got all sorts of other useless objects and no timer. I also told them I wanted students who listen and do what I ask them to do, but I didn't get that either.

That night I went to dinner with my family at Texas Roadhouse. It was kind of last-minute but almost everyone was able to be there, which was really fun. I chose Roadhouse because (surprise, surprise) I had a coupon there. I didn't think about the fact that they make you sit on a saddle while they all say "Yeehaw!" I hoped no one would remember, but Jacob was there which blew my chances. He was so excited about me sitting on a saddle. I was less excited.

 The flash on my camera is really bright. Sorry about that, friends.

My mom had been at our house watching Tessa's kids before dinner. She told me they'd been working on a surprise for me. When I got home, I came down to my room and found hearts all over the door and all in my room. My mom, Emerson, Cooper, and Campbell had cut out and decorated the hearts. On some of them they had written things they liked about me, such as "She plays with us" or "She paints my nails." One of my favorites, from Cooper, says "I want her to always be my friend." I'm so grateful for my mom, for knowing exactly what I needed to ease some of the stress of getting older without getting any closer to having my own kids. And I'm grateful for these kids who light up my days and make me so happy just by playing with, talking to, and loving me and letting me love them.

Afterwards, my mom sent me these pictures she'd taken while they were making them.

They also made some pretty delicious red velvet cake balls. I guess Emerson wasn't so sure about them.

I also got some love in the mail, including this birthday card from my friend Aaron. Can you believe how amazing this is?!

Before going to bed, I played Memory with Campbell, and I whooped her. I had to take a picture of it to commemorate the event, since she ALWAYS wins. All those matches on the right are mine, compared to hers on the left. She wasn't very happy about it, though, even when I told her it was ok for me to win on my birthday.

The next day after work, some co-workers and I went bowling, then to dinner. The bowling alley was this crazy nice place with TVs and servers who came to your lane to bring you food and drinks (including this free birthday ice cream). I bowled a pretty good one on my first frame, and my friend Kelly said, "Wow, I didn't know you were so good!" She spoke too soon. I went down from there and ended up losing miserably. I'm the top of the screen.

Amy and Kelly.

After we bowled, Kelly left but the rest of us stayed and the boys played some arcade games.

We went to Champp's for dinner afterwards, and I ate a full meal plus another round of free birthday ice cream sundae. I did not feel well.

Jaime flew in late that night to spend the weekend with me for my birthday. We ate out four times in 3 days (one of which was a Sunday). The first: Texas Roadhouse. Don't judge. It's so good. And it was my birthday. And it's tradition. And I had another coupon.

That night we met my mom and sisters and niece for dinner at Bru Burger downtown Indy, followed by the musical Wicked.

I don't like to like things that everyone else likes, so I've never hopped on the Wicked bandwagon. Turns out it's popular for a reason. It's AMAZING. I still don't think I'll be buying the soundtrack or anything, but I was absolutely blown away by the quality of the performance. The music was fun and moving, but the voices of the two lead women were incredible. After the huge musical number ending the first act, I found myself crying for no other reason than in wonder and awe at such incredible talent. They were that good. The story was interesting, too, and it was fun to see how it tied in with so many parts of the original The Wizard of Oz story. I loved it and would see it again in a heartbeat.

The next day, Jaime and I went to lunch at Olive Garden (another coupon!), then went to see Catching Fire. Don't worry, we ate two of those giant bags of popcorn. That movie was great, too, though I don't think I was prepared for how emotionally intense it would be. I've read the book, so I knew the story, but I was still nervous the whole time.

Afterwards, we went to a sushi place (no coupon, but I did have a groupon!) for dinner. I've shared my love for sushi on this blog before, so I'll spare you the gushing about how good it was. (But sushi's sooooooooooo good).

The next day we went to church then came home and made some tacos that were also amazing. I didn't get a picture of those because we were eating them while I was on a conference call for my new calling as the regional young single adult rep for my area. But they were delicious. Jaime and I are best friends for a lot of reasons, but one of them is because we're just so good at food. We love the same delicious restaurants, we love the same snack foods, and we make delicious meals together. Any time that we're together is filled with good food.

Sadly, she had to go home the next morning, and I had to go back to work, which just about sent me into a depression. Fortunately, the next week was a short week because of Thanksgiving. I'll do a separate post about that, but I also wanted to show you the free burrito I got from Moe's for my birthday the day after Thanksgiving - more than a week after my birthday. Seriously, if you have an email account that you don't mind getting flooded with emails, you should sign up for these email clubs. Free food all over the place!!