I went home this weekend for Thomas' football game on Friday night. The game itself was longer than planned (two suspensions for lightning, finally finished the game at 12:30 am), but I also ended up staying longer than planned. I was going to come back Saturday afternoon, but ended up staying through until Sunday morning when I had to come back to teach Sunday School in my ward. It's hard for me to leave when I'm there because my parents' house has become synonymous with vacation in my mind now. Over the last fiver years, the only time I've been home was when I was on vacation so going there is like going to a different world where stress and responsibility don't exist. It's hard to return from that.

But I did, and now I'm experiencing what I like to refer to as my Sunday evening depression. I had this when I was in school and now it's back. It's the dread of impending doom that comes with knowing that I have to start a new week tomorrow and go back to doing things that aren't fun and require too much energy and effort. Weekends should last forever.

On my way home this morning, I listened to a song called "Sometimes He Lets It Rain" by Katherine Nelson. It's long been one of my favorites and it makes me cry almost every time. I tried to find a video to post here so you could listen to it, but the only thing I could find was some lady doing sign language to the song and making some disturbing faces, so I opted for lyrics instead.

"She sees the storm clouds gather
The sky is turning cold and gray
She knows that something's coming
When she starts to feel this way
She pleads for intervention
But Heaven offers no relief
And she would understand if she could only see that

Sometimes He lets it rain
He lets the fierce winds blow
Sometimes it takes a storm
To lead a heart where it can grow
He can move mountains of grief
And oceans of pain
But sometimes He lets it rain

When her heart surrenders
To the Master in control
Her spirit learns the lessons of the tempest in her soul
When it's no longer raging
She can see how far she's come
Through the wisdom and the mercy of the Son

Sometimes He lets it rain
He lets the fierce winds blow
Sometimes it takes a storm
To lead a heart where it can grow
He can move mountains of grief
And oceans of pain
But sometimes He lets it rain."

Through this song, I've learned a really powerful lesson: sometimes the pain is part of the process. I know that trials are part of life and I understand the power they have in teaching us. I guess I always believed, though, that as we turned to God in those trials, we would be comforted and receive strength to keep going. That's not always the case. He has all-power and he definitely can remove the "mountains of grief and oceans of pain." But sometimes, that's not what we need. That's not what will help us. He's the Master in control and He knows where He wants us to end up, and "Sometimes it takes a storm/To lead a heart where it can grow." The very process that is so painful and difficult sometimes is the medium through which he tempers us, teaches us, and polishes us. Some lessons we can only learn when we don't get the relief we so desperately search for. Sometimes we have to endure.