Tomorrow I go to my first day of Teach For America Induction here in Indianapolis. Induction is a few days long, then I'll fly back to Phoenix for five weeks of more intensive training at Institute before coming back to Indy to start the school year in August. I have no idea what Induction even is or what it entails, but the word Induction sounds like something that would include hazing, which is a bit frightening. Hopefully I'll come out without any burns or embarrassing stories.

To be honest, I'm terrified. I always get nervous before new things, but I am seriously worried. I've been doing some required pre-work, which I think is supposed to help prepare you for these next several weeks, but to be honest it's done little but scare the goodness out of me. I'm worried I won't be able to overcome my personal expectations or stereotypes or faults in order to give the superior education to every child that I'm supposed to.

If I'm being completely honest with myself, I'm not worried that I won't be able to do it. I know I can. I really think I can do pretty much whatever I want to. I'm worried that I won't want to. I know it requires a lot of time and effort and I'm a little bit afraid that I will be too lazy to put in the work required to make a difference. I like my free time and from what I can tell, I won't have a lot of it if I'm doing my job right. What if I'm not cut out for the life of a teacher who is also, essentially, a civil rights leader? What if I'm not passionate enough? What if I let them down because I'm just not willing to give up enough of myself in order to make their lives better?

On top of all of that, I don't know anyone going into this, and in new situations I do so much better if I know someone. I met one girl one time, but I had a couple-minute conversation with her, which does not mean I know her. So not only am I scared out of my mind, I'll also be withdrawn and quiet.

Lazy and introverted. I bet these leaders will be glad they picked me for this job.