And Now For Tomorrow

All my blogger friends have long since made New Year's posts, with years in review and lists of resolutions. I haven't done that. Which means I'm lame. Or also, it may mean that I am so overwhelmed by a new year that I have no idea what to do with myself. Have you ever felt like there are so many things you want to change about yourself that it's impossible to narrow it to a reasonable number? And even if you could, the things you want to work on are not quantifiable? Well, that's me this year.

These are some goals I have considered:
1. Eat better/exercise more often. This is generally easy to quantify, but I am unwilling to commit to a number, because I know I'm not motivated to do what it takes to attain that number. I believe in setting goals I can and am willing to achieve. All the numbers I can think of for this are not numbers I am willing to commit to.

2. Be more spiritual. Umm...how do you quantify this? I could make a scripture study goal-like an hour a day so I have time to really get into what I'm studying. But I am unwilling to commit to that because an hour is a lot of time and I have not been successful in doing that in the past. But half an hour doesn't seem to be enough for me.

3. Get married. hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

4. Graduate. I can do that one! And it is measurable! That's number one on my list. If that doesn't happen, it will be because I am dead, so everything else would be quite irrelevant.

5. Change my attitude about nearly everything in my life, such as my living situation, my job, school, etc. Also difficult to measure. Also difficult to change.

Another problem I'm having is that my life is now unplanned. I am SO excited to graduate this year. Like you wouldn't believe. No seriously, imagine how excited someone could be to be done with school. Times that by at least 100. That's not even how excited I am. Graduating has never been scary for me because I had some plans for afterwards: go abroad somewhere to teach English.

Just so we're clear-that's not a plan.

I am now realizing that the closer I get to graduation, the closer I get to undefined world. I don't have an internship set up. I don't know where to go. Maybe I should do one locally then go abroad after graduation. Maybe I should try to teach at the MTC, which is essentially what I've dreamed of since about Day 5 of my personal experience in the MTC. Maybe I should quit my job early to go participate in the Hill Cumorah pageant with my family. Maybe I should then spend some time in Indiana since I miss them so much all the time. Maybe I should instead use my money to go to Mexico or Costa Rica just because I can. Maybe I should study to become a seminary teacher, since that's what I can't get out of my mind for some reason.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

I have a lot of decisions to make this year and I have absolutely no clue which ones to make. Maybe that's why I'm not only unmarried, but in fact home alone on a Saturday night-because I can't make decisions for myself right now, let alone another human being.

This is what I'm going to do, at least for today: continue to pretend like I don't have to make those decisions. Here are a few of my highlights of 2010:

1. Travel, travel, travel! Wyoming (twice), Indiana (twice), Colorado, Argentina, and Chile. I'll admit, this list isn't as long as I would hope it to be. But still not too bad for one year. 2011 will be better. I won't let you down.

2. I officially love my ward. I've loved wards before but I have never loved them like I do this one. I feel completely at home here and I have so many really, really cool friends. Leaving this ward also scares me.

3. I got to go home twice-the first being as a surprise for my mom's college graduation and Mother's Day. She had absolutely no idea and the look on her face when I walked in was probably one of my favorite moments of the year. The second, Christmas at home, was also fabulous. I don't know how I lived before I had nieces and nephews.

4. I got out of debt. Well, except for my student loan. But I'm still a student, so that doesn't count for now. It is a wonderful feeling to not have to give all my money to my credit card when I get paid.

5. I accomplished one of my post-mission goals. I won't tell you what it was, but it was very nice.

I am a completely different person than who I was on January 8, 2010. I've still got a long way to go, though. And for the first time ever, I can honestly say I have absolutely no idea where I will be a year from now. Here's to a very adventurous 2011!