Give Thanks in All Things

Sunday afternoon I sat down to give a lesson to the girls I visit teach after church. I checked my phone and saw that my sister had called (she rarely calls) and texted, asking me to call her ASAP. I was surprised and wondered what it would be about, since that seemed unusually urgent. I didn't call right then, though, since I was about to visit teach, and I'm glad I didn't because I wouldn't have been able to focus.

She called to tell me that someone had broken into our house and stolen some things. Broken in I guess isn't the right term, since the door had been unlocked. When I'd left earlier that day, my hands were full so I asked my niece to close the door behind me. She's four, so obviously she didn't think to lock it. Then my sister took the kids to the library, and they went out the garage door so they didn't think to check or lock the front door either.

When they got home from the library, my nephew went downstairs to play the PlayStation and it wasn't there. He asked my sister if she'd taken it and it was only then that they realized her iPad was also gone. My room is in the basement, where the PlayStation is, so they checked my room and all the drawers from my jewelry box were out and completely empty. She called to ask what else might be missing from my room, so I asked her to look for my passport. Fortunately, I don't own many valuable things, so I wasn't too concerned. After I hung up (I was driving home), I remembered my laptop had been on my bed, so I called her to tell her about that and sure enough, it was gone. In all, whoever it was took my laptop, my jewelry, the PlayStation, her iPad, her nice camera, and some cash from the kitchen. My jewelry is clearly all made from plastic or metal, so I'm not sure why this person considered it important enough to steal, but I make no claim to understand the thinking of a criminal.

Obviously, having your stuff stolen is incredibly inconvenient and financially costly, not to mention disconcerting, but even in this situation it is so clear to me how much we have to be grateful for. I made a list that night, and as I was writing I was overwhelmed by how much Heavenly Father was looking out for us. Sometimes we are the victims of other people's poor choices, and Heavenly Father won't always step in because those choices need to have consequences and He values our agency. But when He can, and in whatever way He can, He will help us and protect us and bless us. Here are just fifteen things I had to be grateful for Sunday night.

1. They didn't steal more. We have several other expensive items in the house that they passed over, either because they didn't find them or, assumedly, they couldn't carry them.
2. My computer was old, and it'd been pretty cheap when I bought it anyway, so I'm not out that much money for that.
3. I recently got some cash to take to Turkey with me. It was in my wallet, and since I had recently lost my wallet I had thought of taking the money out and putting it in my room so I didn't lose it. I'd forgotten to take it out, though, so it was safely in my purse at church with me.
4. My wallet and my phone were with me and Tessa had hers with her as well.
5. They didn't take my passport, which was on my nightstand in plain view. I'm leaving for Turkey on Friday, and there's no way I could've gotten a new one in time. I wouldn't have been able to go.
6. I have a computer at work that I can use, and Tessa has a desktop computer. So even though I no longer have my laptop computer, I still have easy access to one.
7. That weekend I'd been working on my master's thesis (which turned out to be 54 pages), which was due this week. I'd saved it to my online dropbox, though, so I didn't lose it. If I had saved that to my computer, I would have DIED.
8. They didn't empty my entire jewelry box. There were two sections that they didn't notice, so they left those untouched and those two sections had most of the jewelry I wear most often.
9. When dumping the jewelry into their bag (I assume), they dropped a few on the floor. Most of them no longer had their match, but one pair did and it was my favorite pair.
10. Most of my jewelry is cheap anyway. No diamonds or precious stones for me.
11. They left important documents with personal information on them, so it doesn't appear that they were looking to steal my identity.
12. Tessa had the serial number for her iPad so if by chance they track one down, they'll be able to identify it as hers.
13. I make my bed every day. When I came home, my bed was made so I knew that whoever had been in my room hadn't been in my bed. I don't know why this even occurred to me, but there are people in the world who do weird things. And I think if my bed had been unmade, I would've wondered if someone had sat on my bed. Or touched my sheets. Or even been in my bed. And that would've creeped me out. But my bed was made when I left and it was made when I got home, so unless there's a burglar out there who is particular enough to unmake and remake a bed they have messed with, I felt just a tad bit more secure.
14. Tessa took all the kids with her to the library because she was going to take them to their dad's house afterwards. They didn't end up going to his house right away, though. If the oldest (12 years-old) had known that, he probably wouldn't have gone with them at all. And he would've been in the basement, on his PlayStation, with his headset on, completely oblivious to any noise or anything else going on until there was someone right there in the room with him. And who knows what would've happened. But it didn't. Because he was safe with my sister.
15. No one was home. I know this doesn't seem like a blessing, since no one would have probably entered if we had been there. But there's no way of knowing. One thing I've learned in life is that we have no idea when something that seems inconvenient is actually a blessing. It's unlikely, but there's a chance that the person who went into our house would have tried to do it whether people were there or not and it could have led to violence. But we weren't there. So even though we're out quite a bit of money, we're all safe.

Every once in a while I get a bit creeped out when I think about the fact that there was someone in my room going through my things. That night, it was a little bit hard to fall asleep. But overall, this has been a manifestation to me of my Heavenly Father's love and concern for me and my family. I know He's watching over us and I know he cares about our lives. Even amidst trial and tribulation, He blesses us as much as possible. He will never leave us alone.

Deuteronomy 31:8: And the Lord, he it is that doth go before thee; he will be with thee, he will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed.

Because I Need to

I haven't posted in a loooong time. And to be honest, I feel like I have nothing to blog about. I need to get in the shower in 9 minutes, so for the next 9 minutes I'm going to write about whatever I can think of. And share random pictures from my phone.

1. Flowers. After my grandma's funeral, my sweet best friend Jaime sent me flowers. She ordered them online and they were supposed to deliver them to me directly. I'm not home much, though, so the delivery guy just left them on the doorstep when it was like 10 degrees outside. Not the smartest, I guess. So when I got them, they were frozen and dead. Like they wouldn't even stand up straight.

So I told Jaime and she called and complained (you should make sure your product actually makes it in good shape...) so they sent new ones for free. And did the exact same thing. These weren't outside for quite as long, but they were definitely frostbitten. So she finally just called and had them refund the money. I tried to tell her to just not worry about it - I had definitely received the thought and so appreciated it, but it wasn't worth killing all the beautiful flowers in the world.

She tried again a couple of weeks ago when the weather had gotten warmer. We had a string of days with temperatures in the 50s and 60s, so she felt pretty confident sending them. Ironically, they arrived on the one day that week that was in the 30s. Tessa got them pretty quickly, though, so we finally had living flowers in the house! They were beautiful! Combined with the spring sunshine, they brightened this place right up.

2. TFA. I have only 9 weeks left as a Teach For America corps member. This picture is of me and my friends Rebecca and Kelsey at a TFA training.

Regardless of what I decide to do, I'll be done with TFA at the end of the year. Whether or not I'm done with teaching is up to me. And...I'm pretty sure I am. I've just been feeling over it and ready to move on. I talked to some people from a really awesome charter school in Chicago, though, and they convinced me to consider applying for one of the schools up there. So last week I went to Chicago on a visit to see what the schools were like. They were amazing! Every classroom was focused, engaged, and attentive, and they were getting really amazing things done. Even in that positive environment, I still didn't want to be there. I took that as a confirmation that it's ok for me to move on. I'm sure I'll miss certain things about teaching (namely, Christmas Break, Spring Break, and Summer Break), but I feel confident that this is the right thing for me to do. I'm not exactly sure what I'll do instead or where I'll end up, but I'm trying to keep an open mind and allow myself to be guided as Heavenly Father sees fit.

3. Family History. I've still been working hard on family history. One of the great side effects of doing family history work is that it makes me want to go to the temple more often, because I've got work to do! I have to go frequently or these ordinances will pile up and I won't be able to get them all done! A couple of weeks ago my mom and I went down to the temple in Louisville on a Friday night, stayed overnight in a hotel (I LOVE hotels!), and went again on Saturday. It was really nice to be in the temple and not feel rushed to get back home before it was too late. We estimated that we were able to have about 60 ordinances done - some by us and some by the youth in the baptistry. It was such a productive weekend!

4. Thesis. My master's thesis is due this week so I've been busting my butt this weekend to try to get it done. And it's not there yet. It takes so much work! I don't know what I was thinking, but I was definitely not prepared for the length of time it has taken, so I'm now looking forward to an incredibly busy and stressful week. But it will feel so good when it's done!

5. Candy Crush. I deleted candy crush from my phone over a year ago because it was a giant time sucker. But a few weeks ago I downloaded it again because I was bored (more accurately stated: I didn't want to do the things I really needed to do), and it has once again captured my mind and focus. I feel like I'm doing better about not playing it when I need to do other things, but I do play it a lot. And it's only fun some of the time. What is it about this game? I gotta get rid of it.

It has now been 17 minutes. I'm not very good at time limits, I guess. Good thing there's no one at church that I need to look good for...

Funeral Trip

In January, my mom's mom, Grandma Carole, passed away. She'd been sick for a while, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but her health did decline quickly at the end, so it was a bit abrupt. I've never lived close to my grandma, so I never had a very close relationship with her. Her death wasn't extremely difficult for me personally, but I did feel really sad for my mom. When I put myself in her shoes and tried to imagine if MY mom died, my heart broke for her. I will be devastated when that happens to me. Good thing my mom will never die because she practically looks younger than me.

 

The funeral was in Utah, but I didn't really entertain the idea of going because I didn't think I could afford it and I didn't have many extra days to take off of school. It wasn't until my sister asked if I was going, because she was thinking about going, that I even realized this was something I could really do. I checked into it at school, and they gave me 3 extra days off for bereavement, and you better believe I took every single one. I don't mess around when it comes to days off. Especially when they're extra on top of what I get normally. Being able to leave on a Wednesday instead of a Friday also brought the ticket price down quite a bit so I could afford it.

 

An added bonus of flying in on Wednesday was that I would get there early enough to go with my mom and dad to drop Thomas off at the MTC. This wasn't part of my plans at all when I booked the flight, but I was super excited about it. Unfortunately, my flight out of Indianapolis was delayed almost an hour, and I missed my connecting flight in Denver by about 10 minutes. So I had to sit in the Denver airport for a few hours before being able to fly to Salt Lake and I missed Thomas' MTC drop-off. I was super bummed, especially since I hadn't really said goodbye to Thomas in Indiana because I was planning to see him again in Utah.

 

Jaime had recently told me that she and a group of our good girl friends were getting together for dinner that Wednesday night. When I scheduled my flight for Wednesday morning, I was so excited that I'd be able to be there for that dinner! I thought it would be fun to surprise the girls - I'd just show up with Jaime and they wouldn't know. Then I realized that Jaime didn't even have to know! She had already told me where they were going, so in casual conversation that day I asked her what time they were meeting. I had my dad drop me off, and I just walked up to their table. The surprise was fun, although I think it was honestly more fun to anticipate the surprise. I was smiling about it for days beforehand, just waiting to see the looks on their faces. Unfortunately, a couple of our friends weren't able to make it to the dinner that night so I didn't get to see them. :( I love these girls and miss them so much. I've made friends here in Indiana that are great, but this group is one of a kind. I feel like they're my soul sisters.

 

 

That night I went home with Jaime and spent the next day and a half with her and her family. I was able to go see Joey and Michelle's house (her sister and brother-in-law), which they're remodeling, and I got to play with her cute nieces and nephews. The next day she and I met Tessa for lunch and I went back to Bountiful with Tessa to help with funeral preparations.

Saturday morning was the funeral. It was a really nice ceremony with lots of music and personal experiences and testimonies from my grandma's two sisters and each of her kids. I sang "I Know My Redeemer Lives," which was going really well until the end. I'd made a point not to look at anyone during the song because I didn't want to start crying. Then on the last verse, emotion hit me out of nowhere and I couldn't even sing for a minute. The power of the words hit me - "He Lives, all glory to His name. He Lives, my Savior still the same. Oh sweet, the joy this sentence gives. I know that my Redeemer lives." What a powerful testimony during such a difficult time. Our Savior lives. He overcame death, and because of that we, too, will overcome death and have the opportunity to live again. Our spirits are eternal and they never die, and someday our bodies will be resurrected in full glory so that we can go on living eternally in a perfect body. The day before we'd dressed my grandma's body for the funeral, and she looked so frail and small and lifeless. But I know that she will rise again in youthful splendor. And I know her spirit goes on living now, and I know she's working to help bring about God's purposes on the other side of the veil. That knowledge is what overcame me as I was singing. I couldn't get it together in time to sing the rest of the song, but I did manage to speak the last few lines, which just repeat "I know that my Redeemer lives." All I wanted in that moment was for my family members who were struggling with my grandma's death to know that I knew that she was still living and because of our Savior she would be resurrected.

At the gravesite, we all sang "I Know My Father Lives," which was really sweet and my dad dedicated her grave. Right at the end of his dedicatory prayer, the sun came out and warmed us all up. It was a really sweet, symbolic moment of the Savior's love and the promise of better days ahead.

Both my cousin Elise and I were named after my grandma - Carole Rose. Elise Rose and Kaley Rose.

Even though my grandma's death wasn't a huge struggle for me personally, I was so glad I went to support my mom. Her strength and testimony of the gospel and plan of salvation were inspiring. She was a strength to everyone at that funeral.

Afterwards, my aunt's ward put on a luncheon at their church for all of our family. I'm always so touched by these loving acts of service that members of the church give. Most of those people didn't know our family but served willingly, and I love that. One of my favorite things about our church is how well it takes care of its own.

After the lunch, we were all pretty tired. Funerals are emotionally exhausting. We went back to the hotel and vegged for a while, then my mom and dad, Tessa, Jaime, and I went downtown Salt Lake to look around the Gateway a bit and have sushi at Happy Sumo. Happy Sumo is my favorite part of every trip to Utah, and I was so excited to introduce it to my family. It was my mom's first time having sushi, and she loved it. It's so good. You guys. IT'S SO GOOD. I can't even explain how much I love this place. I also just really love my family. I loved combining these two things that I love so much.

The next morning my dad and Tessa flew out super early. My mom, Jaime, and I got up and went to Music and the Spoken Word at the Tabernacle. It was Jaime's first time, even though she's lived in Utah most of her life. It was a really nice way to start a Sunday.

I flew home that evening. My flight was right at sunset, and I loved flying over the snowy mountains. I always think of "America the Beautiful" when I see the mountains at sunset, "For purple mountain majesties..." What a blessing this beautiful earth is to us. I always feel my Heavenly Father's love when I take in the natural wonders that we get to see for free. They're the most beautiful sights in the world, and they're His gift to us.

For all...come short of the glory of God

Valentine's Day is a funny thing.

It's a day to love and be loved, but for a lot of people, it's a blinding reminder of a lack of love. An unnecessary one, really. Leading up to Valentine's Day, I was not feeling particularly sad about my current love situation. Sure, I want a husband and kids. Sure, I think about it often. That yearning comes and goes, though, and I'm usually fine. I have plenty of people in my life who fill my heart and give me purpose. Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and it was pretty low-key for me. I worked, then came home and Tessa and I ate dinner and watched a movie. I got some chocolates from one of my students and some from Tessa, and I was feeling just fine about things.

Before going to bed, though, I looked through Facebook and Instagram. Mistake. Apparently, the only thing to do on Valentine's Day is post pictures and descriptions of how great your Valentine's Day is - how much you love your spouse, what he got you, what you got him, what you did, where you went, what you ate. I felt that familiar ache creep in as I wondered why everyone else in the world gets to have a boyfriend or husband or kids or someone to love them. It's really hard to watch people enjoy what you want so badly but can't have for some reason. I know better than to compare myself to other people, but sometimes it's hard not to. Especially when they display it so blatantly. (Note to self: avoid social media on Valentine's Day next year. Rookie mistake. Except I'm not a rookie.)

As I lay in my bed fighting tears and trying to go to sleep, I thought a lot about it and reminded myself that social media is a warped view of reality. These people might have a spouse and kids but they surely are dealing with other things. Infertility, loss of loved ones, illnesses, unemployment, addiction, discrimination, marriage trouble, disabilities. The list continues. But for some reason, we only broadcast our good. I find myself especially sensitive to this, as I feel uncomfortable with sharing personal, negative things on Facebook because it feels like an attention-seeking pity party. I know that's not the case for most people, but I feel that way a lot of the time.

I think what it comes down to is the value we put on strength and pride. We don't ask for help. We don't show our weaknesses. A lot of us struggle even accepting help when it's offered. We are so sure that we can do it ourselves - that needing help somehow makes us less of a human. We are so quick to share our successes and so slow to share our failures. The thing is that our failures are exactly what make us human. Our trials are what bind us together. We all have very different experiences, but we all have trials, and we all need help. We all "come short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).

I'm sure I wasn't the only one hurting yesterday, and I'm sure the reasons for the pain were various. Every single person in pain, though, can receive help from the same source. Through the Atonement, Jesus Christ offers rest for the weary. He can take our burdens if that's what's best for us, or in many circumstances, He lets us keep them but makes them lighter as he bears them with us, adding His strength to our own. "He descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things" (D&C 88:6). When I turn to Him for help, I am never disappointed. I know I can trust Him, because He has come through for me in the past. In those moments when I wonder when I will have the chance to love and be loved, I'm reminded that "God so loved [me] that he gave his only begotten Son, that [if I believe] in him, [I] should not perish, but have everlasting life." That's the most important offering of love I could hope for.

Aloha Thomas!

It's hard to believe my baby brother is old enough to be a missionary. Last October, he received his call to serve in the Hawai'i Honolulu mission. He came home right after Christmas to spend a month at home before going into the MTC.

 

Sidenote: over Christmas Break, I met with a lady from my parents' ward who is a genealogy expert and she sat down with my mom and I for a few hours one afternoon and helped us get started on the Church website to find names to do temple work for. I had always been really overwhelmed by family history - I just didn't know where to begin. Having her there for those hours was the best thing we could've done because it gave me the chance to learn it by doing it. I set a personal goal this year to do two hours of family history work every month. I laugh at that now, because it shows how little I understood. It is SO addicting! I think I spent about 15 hours on family history in January alone. Once you get started, it's hard to stop. There's always someone else to find. In about a month and a half, I've found about 200 family names to take to the temple. It's so rewarding. The night that Thomas went through the temple, our family went down early so he could meet with the Temple President. I had some female names to do so Micah did the baptisms and confirmations for them, then my mom and I did a few initiatories, then my mom, I, and several women from my parents' ward did their endowments. My dad and a few other men also did endowments for our family names. Sitting in the endowment room waiting for the session to start, I kept looking down at the name in my hands: Drucilla Taylor. I could not get over the feeling of joy, knowing that I had found her. It wasn't just that she was in the system needing work, but I actually found her. She was not on the website at all, but by looking through records I found her name and now in one day she had all the ordinances she needed, short of sealing. As I've been doing this work, I've learned another side effect: it definitely turns your heart to your ancestors and makes you want to find them and take them to the temple. But more simply, it makes me want to go to the temple more often because I have dozens of names of people who are ready for their work to be done and I have promised to do that work for them. It's an incredible thing.

 

Now, back to Thomas. He went through the temple for the first time that night and I'm so grateful I could be there with him. As I've already mentioned, I'm still not over the blessing and novelty of being able to be involved in such important family events. I'm so proud of his choice to go through the temple and go on a mission and it was an honor to be there with him that night.

 

A few weeks later, we had his farewell. The night before his farewell talk in church, my parents threw a farewell open house for him at their house. My mom and Micah did an amazing job on the food and decorations. I think Thomas and Dominika helped, too. My mom and I joked that it was nice of Thomas to go somewhere that lends itself so well to a party theme. :)

The next day was his farewell talk. Our entire family was there except for Holden. That was a really special moment for us - to have everyone at church at the same time. Micah, Dominika, and I sang "The Olive Tree" and Thomas spoke last. His talk was really interesting - a rare look into his mind and why he chose to serve. He said there were three reasons: He knew there was at least one person in Hawai'i who was waiting for him specifically to teach him or her, He also knew it would be a good opportunity for him to cement his own testimony rather than relying on his parents' testimony, and He knew he was going to be an example and a strength to his two older brothers who are both making their way back to the church. It was a really proud moment, and I'm grateful for his example of willingness to sacrifice for himself, others, and the Lord. After church, we took some sibling pictures. I love these people so much.

 

Afterwards, all the ladies in the family went to our cousin Lindsay's baby shower. She wasn't due for five more weeks but her baby boy came only a few days later! It was a really great weekend.

Tessa's Birthday

For Tessa's birthday, we got together for a family bowling night. I'm pretty hit-and-miss when it comes to bowling. I'm either really good or really terrible. Often, I start out really well then go downhill. That's what happened this night. I hit some strikes in the beginning then got tired and stopped caring. We had a great time all hanging out, though. 

 

 

Afterwards, we went to Cheeseburger in Paradise for dinner with our big, noisy clan. 







That night, I was thinking about how much I still enjoy these family events. I've lived here for a year and a half now, but the novelty of being here for this kind of stuff has not worn off. I cannot get over how much I love seeing my family and being with them. As much as I struggle with my job sometimes, I'm so grateful that it brought me home.









 



Tessa's birthday wasn't actually until the next day, so the next morning when she went to go work out, the kids and I wrote 36 things we loved about her, put them inside 36 balloons, and blew them up to put in her room. I had to go to church before she made it home, but the kids were so excited to surprise her and help her pop all the balloons to see our messages! I'm grateful for a generous sister who has allowed me to live with her and her kids for the last year and a half. It has been a huge blessing to me.