Under Construction

This past Friday, I went to the Indianapolis temple to do an endowment session for the first time. I'd been to the temple a few times since it was dedicated but had always done other ordinances so this was my first time seeing the majority of the rooms after they'd been dedicated (the endowment is the longest ordinance we do in the temple and during it, you go through a few different rooms). During my time in the temple on Friday, I learned a powerful lesson.

This year has been an interesting one for me. I haven't had any big or new challenges, but it has been an especially challenging year. I've done a lot of reflection and evaluation of where I am in my life, and to be honest, I've come up pretty disappointed a lot of the time. I'm not talking about my marital, financial, or social state, although I definitely struggle with feeling satisfied in those areas a lot of the time. But as I've evaluated where I am spiritually, I've been disappointed in my progress. I feel like at this point in my life, I should just be better, you know? I still struggle to do the little things consistently and meaningfully - prayer, scripture study, temple worship, service. I have fallen in weaknesses that I was sure I had put behind me. I have faltered in my commitment to and faith in my Heavenly Father's plan for me.

This year, I have had a trial of my faith. I have had to evaluate not whether I know the gospel is true and that God is real, but whether I am willing to do the things that that knowledge requires. I feel like Heavenly Father has been pushing me all year to decide whether or not I am ready to completely trust Him. To really let go of my own hopes, desires, and weaknesses and submit to His will, whatever that may be. My answer to that has not been as sure as I would have hoped or expected it would be at this point in my life, and that has rocked me.

On Friday, I reflected on how the temple was not always the beautiful, holy, peaceful place that it is now. True, once dedicated the ground was sacred and from what I heard from many of the workers, was unlike any other job site they had been on. But it was still a construction site. It was messy, it was loud, and it wasn't pretty. It started with simple ground, then a foundation was built. The building was framed and walls were put up. Drywall was hung and trim was installed. The windows went from boarded-up holes to beautiful stained glass. The trim was sanded and holes were filled. Everything was primed then painted. Decorative gold leafing was applied. Light fixtures and doors were installed. Carpet and tile were laid. Furniture and decorations were placed. The process from start-to-finish took almost three years. There were a lot of mistakes that had to be corrected - areas that had to be redone. A lot of the work was not glamorous. Many people were under a lot of stress - coming up against deadlines, dealing with mistakes made by people onsite and people far away. Contracts were disputed and expectations were challenged.

As I sat in the celestial room, I kept getting flashbacks of memories in those rooms while it was being built - remembering times I'd worked on certain projects in each room, envisioning what the rooms looked like at different stages of construction, and marveling at the transformation each room had gone through to become a place of physical beauty and spiritual peace. As I looked around at the pure white carpet and walls, I remembered grey walls covered with spots of red and yellow spot putty. I remembered pieces of white trim sanded down to a splotchy brown to make them look like one solid piece of wood. I remembered concrete flooring covered in sawdust. I remembered the constant sound of saws, nail guns, and air compressors. I remembered dents in drywall, holes in wood trim, and cracks in stone baseboards. I remembered dim rooms lit only by a precariously-hung construction light. I remembered making my way from my car to the temple, trying to avoid slipping on fresh ice or thick mud. I remembered dozens of workers, covered in sawdust and dirt. I remembered my own hands, covered in red spot potty making them look bloody. I remembered days when I was the only one in a room, filling nail holes or sanding trim and feeling bored out of my mind. I remembered hours spent with my brother and other co-workers and friends, joking and teasing or discussing gospel topics related to the temple (most of the workers weren't members) or challenges of life. I remembered looking forward to the day when the temple would be dedicated but enjoying the process. I was so grateful to be a part of building something so beautiful and special. The beauty and deep peace I felt sitting in the celestial room on Friday came about only after years of difficulty and hard work from many people, not to mention the thousands of members of the church who laid the groundwork for a temple to even be possible in this area.

Sitting in the celestial room that night, I realized that my life was like that temple - I just happened to still be in the construction phase. I will not reach the perfect, holy state that I so desire to be in this lifetime. In order to get to that state, it will require many years of work. I was baptized and my ground, or life, was dedicated - I made a covenant to turn my mortal life over to the Lord in pursuit of eternal life. I have a foundation of testimony and over the years, I have built upon that foundation. But there are a lot of steps that go into making my temple beautiful. And at times, there will be setbacks. I may find a crack in my foundation that needs to be fixed - I face a trial that makes me question an aspect of my testimony. My freshly-sanded joints may separate or push together, creating uneven surfaces - my mortal weaknesses manifest themselves. My smooth drywall and trim get bumped and dented - I make mistakes or get hurt by the actions of others. But none of these things need deter me from pursuing my goal of sanctification. There will come a day when I will stand with my Heavenly Father and my Savior Jesus Christ, perfected through Christ's Atonement, and able to abide their glory. The stages of construction may not be glamorous, but they are all necessary to lead to the glorious final product.

I know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, all of the imperfections and mistakes in my life can be erased. I know that through His Atonement, all of my weaknesses can be overcome. Through Christ's power, I can go from an ordinary patch of land to a glorious vessel of the Lord. The transformation is possible, but it takes time. There will be days when it feels like I'm not making any progress, but there will come a time after this life when I will see how important the process was in helping me reach my eternal goals.

Fall Pleasures

I can never fully commit to loving fall because it has winter so close at its heels, but I do appreciate the perfect fall days when they come - it's hard to beat sunny and 70s.

A few weeks ago we had the supermoon lunar eclipse - otherwise known as the blood moon - as did the rest of the world. My roommates and friends and I went out to the grass across the street to watch it. I have to say I was pretty disappointed. Yes, it had an orangey tint, but it was pretty small and not very blood red. I saw some pictures taken from other parts of the world and it looks like they got a much more exhilarating show than we did. We had fun, though. Carrie played us lots of songs having to do with moons, my personal favorite being "Bad Moon Rising" by Creedence Clearwater Revival. We also had the opportunity to talk to some of our neighbors who came out for a bit.

The next day, the sunset was out-of-this-world, lighting up the whole sky with color. It was the kind of sunset that makes you just stop whatever you're doing and watch because it feels disrespectful not to. I couldn't help but think it was the sun's way of showing the world who's really boss - certainly not some barely orange, once-every-thirty-years blood moon.

One of the reasons I can't fully appreciate fall: cold, rainy fall days. We had one of those right before I left for Hawaii. I went running, and it was just a miserable day, but the scenery of the city is still beautiful! I love the War Memorials downtown. One of my favorite spots in the city.

That night, our neighborhood association put on a pretty fabulous block party. There were bands, vendors, a bonfire, games, and food. The decorations were fabulous and it was a great lively event, even though we had to dress up like it was winter time.

One day, Rebecca decided she was going to make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies with spice cake, pumpkin, and chocolate chips. Super easy recipe and the result was amazing. The four of us who were here that night ate the entire batch in one sitting. I like to call them veggie cookies, because they have so much pumpkin in them that they're practically a health food. The next weekend, our friend Johnnie bought the ingredients and made them again - again, the whole batch at once, though this time there were more of us. The next weekend, I bought the ingredients and made them again. They're so good! And so easy! I'm not usually a fan of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies - too moist - but when these are warm, they are little morsels of heaven.

Video Love

Lately I've been getting random video calls from this sweet face and it makes my day every time. She says my name now, "Kakee", which is the only other name she knows besides Mama, Dada, and Piper (the dog), thank you very much. Isaac and Dominika have both said that anytime she sees a picture of me, she's immediately repeating my name over and over and often won't stop until they call. She melts my heart. I love to hear her little voice and to watch her interact with me through the phone and play with whatever is around her. She will often identify her body parts when I ask, gives farm animal noises, and just recently will do the hand motions for songs like "Itsy Bitsy Spider." I'm so grateful for the technology that makes Colorado seem so much closer.

Little Man

One weekend, Jacob had to work so he asked if Nalon could come hang out with me Friday night until my parents came to get him on Saturday. I picked him up from his babysitter's house after school, then he and I came back to my house. He did some research about white tigers while I did a workout video - he did it with me for a minute until he apparently decided he was appropriately worked out. Then we both got ready for bed and settled in with Netflix. He was coming up with all kinds of movies that looked terrible to me, and then I realized he had probably never seen any of my favorite movies from when I was a kid. I looked up "The Big Green," and there it was! It was much cheesier than I remember - I guess you don't notice that when you're a kid - but we both really liked it. I made this huge deal about how he'd never seen it and he HAD to see it. Then the next afternoon when my parents came to get him he was making this huge deal about how my dad had never seen it. :) The movie ended pretty late, and I tried to set him up on the couch downstairs but he was content to sleep on my floor and was fast asleep in less than three minutes. 

The next morning, my roommate Rebecca made pancakes and we all played Pit and Farkle. My roommates were great sports about playing with him and he had a great time here. I'm going to have to make this a regular thing for all my nieces and nephews!

Labor Day in Colorado

Adelina lives in Colorado. Much too far. So my newest obsession is flying to see her as much as possible. Over Labor Day weekend, I had a couple of days off so I flew out there for a long weekend. Isaac picked me up from the airport and we got home too late to see Adelina, but I woke up to this cute face the next morning. :)

Isaac worked that day, so I hung out with Dominika and Adelina. We went to Sam's Club and Adelina was being pretty cranky, so I took her away and found things to occupy her, such as taking a nap on the mattresses.

In the car on the way home, I heard a squeaking noise and turned around to find her chewing on the sole of her shoe. This sassy girl cracks me up.

Once Isaac got home from work, we all just hung out, ate dinner, and watched Adelina play. I told Isaac and Dominika this is why people get boring after they have kids - all of a sudden, they're perfectly content just watching their kid for hours. I'm right there with them. :) Adelina was getting a kick out of climbing up on the first step of the stairs and "jumping" off - really, she just walked straight off the stair, landed on her face, laughed, and climbed up to do it again. We were cracking up.

Isaac started running about the same time I did, so we talk about it a lot, but he's been much more aggressive about his goals than I have. He works on improving his pace and challenging himself. I'm more into distance and stress-relief. One of the goals he set for himself a while ago was the run to the top of the A - a giant A on the hillside next to their house. It's a six-mile run round-trip; I'm not sure what the elevation was. I knew I'd struggle with the incline and altitude, but I agreed to go with him Saturday morning to see the sunrise. The sun started rising before we got to the top, but we got a great view once we made it up there. I struggled and had to walk for about half of it, but it was a great start to the day!

Baby Girl loves shoes. :)

After the run, we got ready and headed to the Swetsville Zoo - a park full of metal sculptures in various shapes - animals, machines, robots - all created by the same guy. He was suffering from insomnia and had a bunch of scrap metal, so he started welding at night. They were really cool!

That evening I hung out with my friend Kyler - we went fishing and shooting and played some basketball. He beat me in almost every game we played, but it is important to know that I did win one game of Around the World and one game of One-on-One.

I love getting ready with this little face tugging at my skirt.

Sunday after church, we went to Glen and Marneen Camblin's house - our boss from the temple. We enjoyed some delicious tacos and played catch in the backyard. I also copied a chalk dragon from a book that Alyssa picked out for me, and I have to say, I did a pretty good job.

The next day, Labor Day, we went to Rocky Mountain National Park. We stopped by Chick-fil-a on the way so I could introduce all of them to the wonder that is the chicken biscuit. Even Adelina loved hers.

It was rainy and chilly once we got up to the park, so we didn't get to hike as much as we wanted, but we walked around Bear Lake and up to Nymph Lake.

Adelina loves to inflict pain on people - she thinks it's the funniest thing - so she was cracking up when she was tickling Isaac's ear with some pine needles.

We didn't see much wildlife while we were in the park, but once we got down into town - Estes Park - we saw a whole herd of elk just chillin' in town like they belonged there!

We walked around Estes Park for a bit - got pizza and then followed it up with ice cream and toffee. Both Adelina and Isaac can't help but get the ice cream on their faces when eating.

It was a super fun weekend, and I'm always sad to leave. Don't worry, though; I just bought a ticket to fly out there for Thanksgiving. :)

Progress

One of my New Year's Resolutions this year was to lose 40 pounds. Well, it was originally to lose 30 pounds before I turned 30, but then I went ahead and gained 10 more, so it became 40 before 30. :) Nine months later, I'm down 25 pounds. I've still got 15 to go, but I've made some progress! The other day I took the picture on the right because it was the first time I'd worn that shirt in a while and I was impressed with how well it fit. Out of curiosity, I pulled out my before photo from January to compare and I couldn't believe the difference! I really feel like I must have been bloated on the day I took that picture, because I can't believe how round I was. Last night, I pulled out some of my pants that I haven't been able to wear in a long time and they all fit. A couple are still a little snug, but I can now fit into every item of clothing in my closet. That's a great feeling! 

Sleepover with Nalon

A couple weeks ago, Jacob had to work on the weekend so I picked Nalon up after school and he came and hung out with me until the next day when he went to Columbus with my parents. We had dinner, exercised (well, I exercised while he researched white tigers for a school project), and watched "The Big Green" - one of my childhood favorites. The next morning, my roommate made us pancakes and we all played some games before he had to go. It was a fun night! He slept on my floor and was out in less than three minutes.